Twitter has reconfirmed its commitment to the safety of ducks online. The increased spread of anatidaephobia has meant that ducks are targeted not only for harassment but exploitation online and Twitter has taken it upon themselves to protect society from this “very real and very not made up” problem.
CEO of Twitter, Parag the child of Agrasen, stated “this global pandemic of duck exploitation is something we take very seriously, so seriously in fact that we have little time to censor other harmful content”. He also stated that he feared a potential takeover of Twitter by Elon Ondatra Zibethicus would lead in a shift away from duck protection.
The focus on duck protection came to light after the rabid Anasaphile known as Anna Slatz had her account suspended for an obscene image of a duck*. This can quickly cause massive problems as seen from the documentary “Witchsmeller Pursuivant” and the tragic case of the Duck of Taunton.
(*It was later confirmed that it was just an image of an average but rather rotund duck, but that doesn’t make it any less obscene or less bannable).
Twitter has however been criticised for not banning and censoring harmful content such as CSAM, terrorist organisations, extremist groups and paedophiles.
For example when Christian Pakistani, Asia Bibi (آسیہ بی بی), was falsely accused of blasphemy, Twitter did not censor calls by such groups as Tehreek-e-Labaik to hang her or encouraging their followers to make an extrajudicial killing. Twitter saw this as very non-violent freedom of speech. Twitter was equally silent on posts by the Taliban during their takeover of Afghanistan and suppression of the most basic human rights, none of their leaders being banned.
When asked for comment Twitter spokesmxn Vache Obèse noted “ we have more pressing issues such as domestic terrorists”. When asked to clarify if Xir was talking about groups such as the KKK or similar hate groups, Xir gave a very insightful response “of course not, we are talking about REAL terrorists such as moms of school children who only believe in two genders, silly!”.
Despite some minor shortcoming, no other social media platform comes close to the fervour and commitment of Twitter in regards to international duck protection. Perhaps that is one reason it is frequented by so many Quacks.
Alaric Naudé is a professor specialising in communication, business, education, linguistics and social science. He is widely recognised as having a great face for radio.